A husband and wife go together like wine and cheese. They can understand each other with half a sentence, with half a word… without even talking to each other. Often times their relationship consists of more sarcasm, light humor, and living a no-pressure life together. Here’s a short compilation of tweets from people just like you: married and lovingly, painstakingly, enjoying it.
*watching husband sleep*
Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-"
Me: "I can't live like this."
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 28, 2016
Marriage is essentially two people taking turns pushing down the top of the kitchen garbage so they don't have to take it out.
— Ian Mendes (@ian_mendes) May 20, 2016
"5 years ago i married my best friend, my soulmate, i love you"
"eat all the leftovers again and i will end you"
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 5, 2016
My husband just texted me from the bathroom and asked me to bring him "A LOT more toilet paper," so yeah, the romance ain't dead people.
— Mme Mumsie (@MUMSIEesq) March 8, 2016
Hey baby it's Friday night, why don't you get into something more comfortable that you can wear all weekend because we have no laundry left.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) January 30, 2016
[runs to the door to greet wife]
I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident involving all the things you asked me to do today.
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) February 28, 2016
Text from wife: I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be about half an hour late
Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 6, 2016
Me: I'm exhausted.
Husband: Didn't you take a 2 hour nap?
Me: What do you mean by that?
— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) February 16, 2016
Before I got married I didn't realize "What do you want to watch?" was a rhetorical question
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 16, 2016
Husband: I love you.
Me: *eating a potato chip really loudly* You should. I'm a goddamn miracle.
— Flannery (@imdaintyaf) September 12, 2016
I wondered if my wife was asleep so I held my phone a foot over her face and turned it on.
Then I dropped it onto her nose.
She's awake now.
— Bipolar Bear 💊 (@_b1p0larbear) October 27, 2016
I bet my husband's favorite thing about me is how I don't order anything and then ask for sips of his drink and snatch his french fries.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) September 29, 2016
Nothing in life can prepare you for how much of marriage is spent just listening to someone cough.
— beth can't with this (@bourgeoisalien) May 3, 2016
ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza
WIFE: so you’re not going to share
ME: I am not going to share
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 18, 2016
I need you to be spontaneous. Be predictable. I need intimacy. Give me my space. Load the dishwasher. Not like that.
— Blu (@TwoSapphiresBlu) November 3, 2016
Wife: why are you breathing like that?
Ahh marriage. When you can be questioned for continuing to live.
— Jeff (@usermcuserface) November 29, 2016
[rolls over in bed and whispers to wife]
"I ate like 75 chicken nuggets today"
— rob elliott (@rockymomax) February 16, 2016
Me: Wait, so it's cool for you to use my phone charger but I can't touch yours?
— Rock🇺🇸 (@TheMichaelRock) January 28, 2016
WIFE: Stop spending money on stupid stuff
WIFE: What the hell?
[dog walks by in a tuxedo]
ME: He's getting married, Karen
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 17, 2016
Me: I spent HALF as much as YOU usually do on groceries.
[2 hours later]
Me: We have nothing to eat in this house.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 9, 2016